Partners of Sex Addicts

Partners of a sex addict usually suffer from a relational trauma due to the betrayal, deceit and lies inflicted by the person suffering from sex addiction.  Partner can experience a variety of symptoms depending on length of time of the betrayal, frequency and severity of the infidelity, blaming the victim by sex addict or others, self-blame, personal history and available support.

Below is a list of symptoms often experienced:

Reliving the event over and over, hypervigilance, sleeplessness , anxiety, flashbacks, mood swings, intrusive images, panic attacks, depression, confusion, rage, oversensitivity, overeating or inability to eat,  health problems, chronic fatigue.

The partner of a person suffering from sex addiction is often shocked by the degree to which deception has infiltrated the relationship or marriage.  Their reality has been turned upside down. It can feel like he or she has never known the person who they married and who promised a lifetime of love and commitment.  This type of shock and  trauma that cause a person to question absolutely everything:

Was anything in this relationship ever real? 

What about all those loving and intimate moments, were they real? How can they exist alongside all those lies and deception?

Can I ever get over this? 

Wouldn’t I be stupid to trust him/her ever again?

How could I be such a fool to not know about this for all this time?

What else don’t I know?

Is it even possible for a relationship / marriage to heal from this type of betrayal?

Who can I turn to for support and understanding?

Should I stay in or get out of this relationship?

The following factors affect the depth and scope of a traumatic betrayal:

• Frequency/severity of the violations
• Length of time the violations occurred
• Frequency/severity of deceptions about the violations
• Power inequality between the addict and the partner
• Dismissal of the victim of her/his experience
• Inability of the victim to affect changes in her circumstances
• Lack of community / familial support for the victim
• Blaming the partner by either the addict or others
• Self-blame by the victim
• Lack of empathy and taking responsibility by the addict

If you are a partner of a sex addict and you need  to speak to a qualified professional to help you deal with the impact of  your partners sex addiction on you, feel free to call NYCSAT.

To schedule a confidental consultation or an appointment,  please email us or call  212.665.7352